The Privilege and Pitfalls of Parenting a Sensitive Child

One of my favorite descriptions of what it means to be a highly sensitive person was written by author Susan Cain. She insightfully states: "The highly sensitive tend to be philosophical or spiritual in their orientation, rather than materialistic or hedonistic. They dislike small talk. They often describe themselves as creative or intuitive. They dream vividly and can often recall their dreams the next day. They love music, nature, art, and physical beauty. They feel exceptionally strong emotions—sometimes acute bouts of joy, but also sorrow, melancholy, and fear."

If you are the parent of a sensitive child, I imagine these words resonate deeply with you. Perhaps reading this makes you proud that you are raising a child like this, or perhaps it makes you cry because of the immense weight that can come along with parenting a child like this. There is a bittersweetness to being the mother or father of a young person moving through a world that can overwhelm them. Being called to raise a child like this comes with great privilege, but also a handful of pitfalls.

Many parents of children with big feelings express understandable frustration. Their child might have great friendships with one or two children, but lose their cool during playdates with more than one. They might get in trouble at school for “standing up for what is right,” while simultaneously breaking classroom rules in doing so. I have often heard parents say, “She has to learn not to overreact,” or “He just can’t talk to us that way.” Parents may find it confounding that their kind and sweet child is often the same child who shuts down, has tantrums, or appears rude. This contradiction can be perplexing and overwhelming. Many parents feel alone and without direction when it comes to meeting the needs of their sensitive child.

I often find myself encouraging parents of highly sensitive children to be patient. A little girl who cries easily or seemingly becomes explosive out of nowhere may very well grow into a woman with fierce conviction, a great capacity for empathy, and a true force of nature. The little boys I meet who have no interest in sports and gravitate toward spending time talking with the girls are often the same boys who become easily angered by those around them making poor or immoral decisions. Often, these are the boys I watch grow up to be independent, loyal, intuitive, and logical—an unusual mix nowadays. Whatever the journey, each family has a unique path as they help their sensitive child learn to navigate the world. I feel fortunate to occasionally be along for the ride. It is quite rewarding to watch the parents of these children begin to learn not only to appreciate but to celebrate their child’s heightened ability to feel. I truly believe we need more children like this in the world, and they are a gift to us all.